Ride for the Cure - ALS

Thank you to my mom and dad's dear friends:  John, Terry, Sherry, Ardy and Sally.  This was a great day to smell my favorite combination of horse sweat, leather and beer.  It was a wonderful chance to remember my dad and raise funds for the ALS Association.  It makes me feel close to my dad to be around those who knew him and loved him.  Great people and great food!  Is there anything better than a potluck?  We can't say a big enough thanks and we can't wait until next year.

Birthday

Good morning Sweetie!!

Today is my birthday, and I miss you.  You never forgot my birthday and always wanted to take me out somewhere for dinner.  Most of the time I said no because once I got home from Sioux Falls, I never wanted to drive back in.  I regret that now because we should have spent that time with just each other, but being at home with the man I loved was enough.

Yesterday, Terry and Sherry, Ardis, Sally and John sponsored a trail ride in your honor and want the benefit money directed to ALS....It was awesome sweetie, and a lot of people came because they knew you and loved you.  But even if no one had come, it was just so incredible that our friends wanted to do this.  I think they are going to do it again next year, and make it annual.  Won’t that be wonderful?  Erin is going to post some pictures on the blog site so we can continue to promote ALS Awareness.

Boldings offered to bring some horses for the kids, but I don’t think the kids were able to ride just yet.  Riding was their link to you, and it would have been too hard for them, I think.  Maybe next year.

Our family is also working on being involved in the ALS walk in October and on that same day we will have a huge rummage sale to benefit ALS. I know you would be proud of us.  We all hate this disease so much because it made you suffer and took you away too soon.

The reality of you not being here has finally really hit me.  I think I expected to feel you around me all the time, and I don’t.  People tell me that I am looking too hard, and maybe they are right. I hope that you are so happy in Heaven that you never want to look back.  Sometimes, Bill, I want to ask God to let me talk to you for just one hour, but I suppose that if he did that, it still wouldn’t be enough....

 

I love you Sweetheart – always have, always will.

 

Joan

Anger is a Part of Grief

Dad was as excited for his last grandchild as he was for the first.   He worried so much when my sister or I was pregnant, but I suppose that's because we were his babies. 

We didn't know he'd only live another 18 months or so after Ben was born.  Each moment turns out to be so precious.  Why do we sometimes forget that in life!?

The fall Ben was born - in 2010 - Tyler briefly took a different job (a discussion for another time perhaps), and had to be in Mitchell the day that Benny and I were released from the hospital (originally we thought the timing would work, but Ben decided to come a few days before my scheduled c-section).  So, my dad brought us home.  How cool is that!? 

It was pretty awesome to have Dad come to pick us up.  A girl (woman) feels safe with her dad, right!?  I remember he initially put the car seat in forward facing.  So cute!  Well, had to forgive him that because I am sure I didn't even ride home in a car seat.  I think he was actually a little nervous, but he did great!  I remember being so sleepy, so I put newborn Ben in Grandpa's arms and slept for an hour.

Fixed it!  Rear facing!

Mommy taking a picture of Grandpa and Ben going in the house!

I guess tonight I am thinking about how quickly life can change and the rug gets pulled out from under you.  I think I am going through a mad phase again.  In April, I was sad.  No, devastated, but I was so happy for my dad.  His chains were gone.  He beat ALS and went home to God.  And, I am still happy about those things because I love him and he belongs in heaven with the Lord.  But I needed him here, and his absence is still so big.  I miss him so much -- hard to explain, I guess.  It's just all the little day to day things I would call him about.  What a lucky daughter I was.

FAITH is the most important thing.  A belief that because Jesus died for me I will see my dad again some day.  There is a song called "Jealous of the Angels" by Jenn Bostic.  Highly recommend it!

I don't mean to be a downer.  I have so many beautiful, amazing people and things in my life.  Just missing Bill Haagenson tonight.

Fighting ALS

Hi everyone -- If you're out there reading our blog THANK YOU!  It means so much to us that our family and friends and even friends we haven't met yet are sharing our journey.  If you are a fellow ALS family member or even someone with ALS and you want someone to talk to, I know that anyone in our family would be happy to get in touch with you.  ALS is a journey that you can't know until you know.  Like my sister said, "It's a special club that nobody wants to belong to."  But once you belong, that's that.  We can't change it, but we can FIGHT IT!

We are FIGHTING ALS in a few upcoming ways that I wanted to let you know about:

1)  Melissa is running in the ALS Superhero 5K/10K Dash in the Twin Cities on October 13th.

2)  Please join us for the Walk to Defeat ALS at the Empire Mall in Sioux Falls on October 20th.  You can find Team Sweet William at the ALS web site:  www.alsa.org.  We are looking for donations and fellow walkers.  I have set my personal goal of $1,000 this year.  I raised it last year and my dad was so proud of me ... he was telling everyone.  I would love to make him that proud again this year.  We had a team of about 35 last year and we were blown away.  Let's double it this year!!!!!  It's so important that you register if you're going to walk, so if you need help with that please let me know.  Let's go get ALS and make it feel as bad as we do.

3)  On that same day, October 20th, we are holding a gigantic, ginourmous, humongous rummage sale at the Local 426 Hall here in Sioux Falls.  ALL $$$ made will go to the ALS Association.  We are looking for any and all "rummageable" donations, so look through those closets.  We will take your clothes, household items, dishes, electronics, furniture, baby gear, etc.  All items that don't sell will be donated to the YMCA, Furniture Mission, etc. Also, if you know of good (cheap or FREE) ways to promote our rummage, please get a hold of me at tenhill@msn.com.  Be sure to reference ALS Walk/Rummage in the subject line in case I don't recognize your e-mail address.  We are also seeking folks to help us set up, run, and take down the rummage sale.

Dear Dad,

I hope we're making you proud.  I don't know what to do with my grief most days.  I haven't learned how to be without you yet.  The best I can do to combat grief is fight back against the disease that took you away.  Love you so much.

Erin

Good Morning

Good morning Sweetheart, 

It is Monday morning after the wedding weekend.  I need to tell you about it.  There are so many things that happen that I want to tell you about, like the Black Hills Land...I had to sign up for the rural water ($) and it looks like our lovely neighbor across the road is creating a road where there shouldn’t be one.  I may drive out there and check it out, but it is just one of many things you would have handled that I struggle with and need you for .....

Now the wedding -  You would have been so proud of all of our family.

Jordan was so handsome and mature....where did little J-Man go?  He and Noelle leave tonight on their honeymoon.  They are just a wonderful couple and I am so happy about their marriage.

Jared was the Best Man and did a super job.....His wedding is only about 10 months away now.  I know you didn’t have time to really get to know Abby, but you would love her too, as I do.

Melissa and Maddy both had their hair fixed so pretty...........They are beautiful, but even more so because they are so very sweet.

Nate did a super job as ring bearer (with just a little bribe) and danced his socks off all night with the flower girl! 

Benny would not go down the aisle of the church, but he was soooo cute in his tux.

Bailey kind of watched out for me a lot, and stayed with me during the reception.

We missed you a lot at the wedding. Remember that we set the wedding as the main goal for you to be able to be there?  Everyone talked about how much fun you would have had.  You would have talked to everyone at every table before the night was over. I think you would have even danced a lot. 

I was with everyone that I love, but still felt alone.  I know that will get better as time goes on, because one could not continue to feel that lonely and survive.  I didn’t dance much at this wedding, but I plan to have myself perked up a bit and ready to dance at the next one.... You would want me to I think, and I need to. 

Bill and Michele went home this morning.  Bob and Peggy are moving out on Saturday, so I will be alone in the house again.   That will be okay.  I have a few more things I want to do to the house, but after that I am going to start planning some fun time.. 

I love you Bill, and I miss you....

Joan

Dear Bill

Dear Bill,

It is August 2nd....so Happy Anniversary Sweetheart...I love you and I miss you. I wish that it didn’t seem possible that you have been gone from me nearly 4 months, but I can’t say that because it does seem that long. Every day without you is long. I do things during the day that I want to tell you about, so I go ahead and I talk to you a lot....people must see me and laugh.

 

I am doing okay though Hon. Life is different and not what I would have chosen, but it is okay. Did I tell you I am going back to work?? I bet you are not surprised. I promise I will not work too many hours...Just a few and a chance to meet some other people.

 

This Saturday is Jordan and Noelle’s wedding. I know how badly you wanted to be there. In a way you will be there because I carry you with me all the time. I will feel you beside me that night and sitting there watching them. The kids will be putting some flowers in the church in your honor. Ben and Nate will be in tuxes, just like the big guys. I am anxious to see all of them, all dressed up. Bailey has been here this week too and the Wyoming kids are coming on Friday. The only one missing is you.

 

Ben has switched again and now calls me Baama – You are still Bompa, every time I show him your picture.

 

It has been incredibly hot here sweetie – just like the year we got married. This wedding will be in an air conditioned church though – not like when we got married. I remember every detail of our wedding, especially the cute guy I married and loved for nearly 49 years.

 

Love you Honey and miss you......Joan

Memorial Walk

We started our memorial trip with a buffet lunch at Golden Corral - Dad's favorite.  It was kind of a somber lunch, but we filled our bellies with a buffet.  Dad would have appreciated the gesture.

We met the rest of the family at the KOA campground in the Black Hills to take a memorial walk for Dad.  He asked us to do this and never waivered throughout his illness about what his wishes were.  In fact, one of the last conversations Bill had with Dad was Dad asking him if he knew the right place.  He did -- we all did.

At 6:00 am ... a lucky alarm clock problem considering the heat, we set off to do what Dad wanted.



Starting off on our walk.

Sunrise!

The "easy" part is over!

Taking a break - YAY!!

Getting closer!  The hike with 6+ miles round trip.



A diamond!  We used to ride with some people who were obsessed with trail markers.
Dad thought that was hilarious!
My dad much preferred to head off trail with his compass in hand.
This picture is for you, Dad!



Sibs and Mom at Dad's favorite place!

Grandkids!

Helping Ben spread his wildflower seeds.

Kind of a somber time.

This was what remained of my father's funeral service.  There were some tears, some laughs.  I have been trying to blog all week about this experience, but I have been struggling to come up with the right words. And as with the final moments of Dad's life ... it's precious and very difficult to describe.  Throughout this blog, I hope that our respect and love for Dad is apparent.  Reconciling my faith in God with my loss here on earth is hard -- I can admit that.

My dad would have been incredibly proud of us on this day.  As we were leaving to hike back a big wind came through the trees and kind of swirled around us ... there had been no breeze that day .... I like to think that was my dad saying, "By golly they did it!"

We have each been asked if it bothers us that there is no grave to visit ... no "marker" signifying my dad's life.  The "marker" of my dad's life is visible in the picture above of his grandchildren.  And we DO have somewhere to visit. 

I have seen the verse talking about building a stairway to heaven and bringing someone back again.  I wouldn't.  I know that if I could talk to Dad he would say, "Honey ... if you could just see where I am."  He would say, "It'll be alright."  He said that to me a lot.  That, "...things have a way of working out."  So, I wouldn't want my dad to come back.  The pain is immense, but you can't ask someone to come back out of God's kingdom.  We had a good life together here on earth and now Dad waits for us on the other side.

I will close this post with a writing that makes me think of Bill Haagenson.  It's by Edgar Guest.

I might have been rich if I'd wanted the gold instead of the friendships I've made.  I might have had fame if I'd sought for renown in the hours when I purposely played.  Now I'm standing today on the far edge of life, and I'm just looking backward to see ... what I've done with the years and the days that were mine, and all that has happened to me.

I haven't built much of a fortune to leave to those who shall carry my name.  And nothing I've done shall entitle me now to a place on the tablets of fame.  But I've loved the great sky and its spaces of blue - I've live with the birds and the trees.  I've turned from the splendor of silver and gold to share in such pleasures as these.

I've given my time to the children who came; together we've romped and we've played.  And I wouldn't exchange glad hours spent with them for the money that I might have made.  I chose to be known and be loved by the few, and was deaf to the plaudits of men.  And I'd make the same choice should the chance come to me to live my life over again.

I've lived with my friends and I've shared in their joys ... known sorrow with all of its tears.  I have harvested much from my acres of life, though some say I've squandered my years.  For much that is fine has been mind to enjoy, and I think I have lived to my best.  And I have no regret as I'm nearing the end for the gold that I might have possessed.

Love you Dad.  Eternally proud to be your daughter.