"Grief startles us and blows holes in our lives." Laurie Wallin
I have been planning all week to write something. But what? I was talking to Mom and Lynette on Saturday about writing on Facebook how great 2010 was as we went into 2011. Then, in May 2011 my Grandma Hob died and 6 weeks later my dad was diagnosed with Lou Gehrig's Disease. Want your blood to run cold? Hear that diagnosis for someone you love. Then, in April 2012 my dad died. He died. My dad died. MY dad died. My dad DIED. You can't plan for that even when you know it's coming.
Anyway, I was saying that 2011 and 2012 really let me down. But we got to talking about how there are still things to be thankful for. That we should still have sincere gratitude for the blessings in our lives. On my drive to work each day this week I have been thinking of all the things for which I am thankful.
"How do we choose to allow the holes (in our hearts, brought on by grief) to become seeing-through-to-God places?" Ann Voskamp
2012 has not let me down. Here's why:
I have a nice, warm home with a full pantry of food and a soft bed to sleep in. I have a washer and dryer and dishwasher. I have a nice neighborhood for my kids to live in. I have a great, loving little Boston Terrier named Maggie. I have a job I like, working for and with people I like. I have good benefits, a nice wage and a great retirement plan. I drive a good vehicle. I am healthy and even though I need to lose weight, that means I never, ever have to go hungry.
I have a husband who adores me and two amazing, smart, funny, beautiful little boys who are the reason I was put on this earth.
I have a family that has my back no matter what. Good people came before us and good people will follow. Nothing fancy about us -- but it's a legacy to be proud of.
We found a church and a pastor that just feel right for our family.
I have friends who showed up at times throughout this year (rummage sale, ALS walk, or just a random pizza) when I needed them most -- even if I didn't know how much I needed them.
We gained a new family member this year in my nephew's wife, Noelle. She is the perfect fit for us and we are proud to claim her as one of our own. We get another new family member next May because this year Jared and Abby got engaged. My nephews have chosen beautiful, good, solid people to spend their lives with.
We took a beautiful memorial trip for my dad in June -- the whole family. Tyler, the kids and I took a great little trip to Duluth in September.
Tyler, who has worked on the road a lot over the last 5 years, has been in SF since my dad got sick. God must've known I needed him here and that is a blessing I never, ever, ever take for granted.
My husband has a family that I wish we got to spend more time with.
I am a USA-born girl, who loves this country and the beautiful freedoms it provides me.
The things I have been blessed with are too numerable to mention.
But something bad happened this year, too. That's just a fact. And it has changed me forever. I think a person just has to make room for grief. Dad won't be present for Thanksgiving this year. The first one in my 36 Thanksgivings. I think pretending there isn't an underlying sadness for each of us would be a mistake. So we will acknowledge his absence. Maybe tell some funny stories. Maybe cry a little.
I had a great dad and that is something I will always, always be thankful for.
