June 27, 2012

♪ American Honey ♫

 ♪ ♫ She grew up on the side of the road
Where the church bells ring
and strong love grows
She grew up good
She grew up slow
Like American honey ♪ ♫

     These lyrics to Lady Antebellum's American Honey make me think of us growing up. 

     We grew up right by the old country church where my dad was confirmed.  He and his family went to that church for years.  I remember my grandpa and grandma Hob and Erna pulling in the driveway after church on Sundays in their old brown car.  They sat every Sunday in the same pew, by the squawky hearing aide so that Grandpa could hear.  I don't know about other churches, but at Palisade Lutheran, it was like everybody had assigned seating.  We loved sitting by Grandpa and Grandma.  We were baptized there, confirmed there, and I was married there.  Looking out the front windows of our home, we would see that pretty and peaceful old country church, where most of our neighbors went too.  And yes, the church bells would ring.  I love that old church.  It was where Dad's funeral service was held, and in my fog that day, I missed hearing the church bells ring joyously, celebrating his going to Heaven.  I wish that I had heard that.

     Strong love definitely grew.  Not only my parents, but also their parents, and my aunts and uncles.  Marriages were solid, and couples didn't quit.  Our parents loved us so much.  We always knew that, it was a given.  The importance of love and family is something that we learned early.

     We were protected but not overly sheltered.  Dad and Mom didn't feel that we needed to work jobs in high school, because we had all of our lives to work.  Yet we were expected to help at home, in the house, and with whatever chores, gardening, mowing, baling or horse chasing needed to be done.  We grew up knowing the value of hard work, and it shapes us to this day.   

     We had good childhoods.  That 16 acre place on highway 23 was a wonderful place to raise kids.  It was HOME.  We had good neighbors and room to run. At one time or another, we had a goat, ducks, geese, chickens, pigs, sheep, cats, dogs, alpacas, and always tons of horses.  We were blessed. 

 



     Yesterday was an emotional, yet comforting day.  Mom, Erin and I went to Garretson to pick up Dad's cremains from the funeral home.  We then drove by the acreage, and decided to stop in to see if the new owner was home.  We didn't get an answer  (so weird to have to knock at that door!) so we took the liberty of walking around outside a little bit.  We saw lots of changes (the house is RED) and fences and gates removed.  There are sheep in the pasture instead of horses.  Erin and I walked down by the granery and toward the pump and barn.  It was so comforting to smell the smell of old horse poop, alpaca and dirt by the granery.  It gave a sense of Dad.  And yes, Dad in his work clothes and cap did tend to smell like horse poop and dirt after working outside all day.  But it was good smells, and a good feeling and I wish that I could bottle that smell up.  Seeing his tractor sitting there hit Erin and I in exactly the same way, at the same time.  Just a sudden gut punch achy feeling.  But I am grateful that we got a chance to do that.  And yep, the place still feels like HOME.  Like Dad.  Even with sheep.

     We have a weekend family trip ahead.  We are all going to the Black Hills this weekend.  Mom, the three kids, our spouses, and grandkids and fiances.  We are going to go walk the Slate Creek horse ride that Dad loved so much.  We plan to enjoy some time together, have some fun, maybe drink a little beer, and tell stories about Dad.  He asked us to do this, and he would love it, and I hope that we can do this every summer. 

Miss you, Dad.  <3
    

     

June 24, 2012

Before/after

Erin found a statement that is so appropriate. 

"There are moments that mark your life, moments when you realize nothing will ever be the same, and time is divided into two parts, before this and after this."

So very, very true. 

And to think that just one year ago at this time, we knew that something was wrong with Dad, but we still didn't have a clue what was ahead.  

 

June 16, 2012

Father's Day

Father's Day is gonna be a tough day this year.  So ... In honor of Father's Day 2012, I am going to list some cool things about my dad.  They are in no particular order, and this list is not even close to complete.  I am sure my siblings could list just as many or more.
  1. Our relationship was very special. He allowed me to have an opinion and voice it.
  2. My dad was super funny.  Cheesy.  Goofy.
  3. He was far from perfect and never pretended to be perfect.  He made mistakes & lived & learned.
  4. My dad was really smart.  Really.  He was so good at math!
  5. My dad was fiercely loyal, and because of that could sometimes get his feelings hurt by people.
  6. He would have torn limb from limb anyone that hurt his grandchildren.
  7. My dad really loved his parents and his grandparents and his sisters.
  8. My dad made me drive a tractor, a lawn mower, and a pick up with a trailer behind.
  9. My dad took good care of our dogs ... especially when they got old and tired.
  10. My dad (and mom) let me ... no, made me quit my job my senior year of high school.  Said I had my whole life to work.
  11. My dad (and mom) did not buy me a "better" car just cuz I wanted one.
  12. My dad had very twinkly eyes and a great laugh and smile.
  13. My dad had the best metabolism, and stayed pretty thin except for a while after he quit smoking when I was 14.
  14. My dad (and mom) made me watch the State of the Union Address growing up ... among other political things.  I could disagree (I usually didn't), but I better know why and state my case.
  15. I know of a few times in his life that my dad cried ... when his parents died, when my mom was badly hurt, and a few times during his illness.  I love that I got to see that side of him, too.
  16. My dad LOVED to mess with me because I like a plan, and he was more go with the flow.
  17. My dad worked super hard his whole life, and I am very proud to be a working man's kid.
  18. My dad loved deviled ham sandwiches, crispy sugar cookies, good coffee, toast, cottage cheese, eclairs, and what do you call that fish junk on the salad bar ... just to name a few.
  19. In later years he considered shaving off his mustache, but I begged him not to.
  20. He and I both loved the song "Old Flames" by Dolly Parton and danced to it at my wedding.
  21. He had a bajillion funny sayings ... some not repeatable in "polite" company.
  22. He loved to pick asparagus out of ditches.
  23. When I was having a long labor with Nathan, my dad came into the room and just held my hand for awhile.  But not during the gross part ;)
  24. Due to something unavoidable with work, Dad took me 'n Ben home from the hospital on Tyler's behalf.  What a gift that was!  So special to see him pull up in the blue van to get us!!
  25. My dad kept such a strong faith during his illness.  What an example for me and my kids!
  26. My dad had my back, plain and simple.  He was my go-to guy, my friend, my dad, my buddy, my critic, my cheerleader.
I cannot express the grief I feel.  The last 8 weeks have not diminished it.  We live our lives, but the absence is BIG.  It is hard to wrap my mind around the absence in our lives.  But, I know what his expectation and wish for me would be - LIVE, be a good mom, wife, daughter and friend.  Have FUN.  Don't be so serious all the time.  Keep my FAITH.  Pray.  Work hard.  Take good care of Mom.  Love on my KIDS a lot. :)

Dad - You were a gift to me.  I miss you every single day, but I know that you are more alive than we are.  See you on the other side someday!!!  And, Happy Father's Day!!!  Love you lots.

June 10, 2012

October 20, 2012

Please join us on October 20, 2012 for the Walk to Defeat ALS!  We are hoping for double the team numbers and double the funds raised this year in honor of my dad!!!!!!!!!!!

You can shed tears that he is gone, or you can smile because he lived.  You can close your eyes and pray that he will come back, or you can open your eyes and see all that he has left.  Your heart can be empty because you can't see him, or you can be full of the love that you shared.  You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday, or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.  You can remember him and only that he is gone or you can cherish his memory and let it live on.  You can cry and close your mind, be empty and turn your back.  Or you can do what he would want:  smile, open your eyes, love and go on.
~ David Harkins