We have passed the 5 month mark since Dad's death. I sometimes find it harder now than it was right away. At first we were so happy for him. Now it's just so permanent.
1 year ago we were still dealing with the diagnosis and we were planning our 2011 Haagenson Haul. This year we enter into the autumn season and the holidays without the head of our family.
I hear "life goes on" and that is true. Guess I can't argue with that logic. Earth keeps spinning on her axis, campaigns are in full swing, kids are in school and seasons are changing. But I am changed. I am changed forever.
I have learned how personal the journey of grieving is. For some, "life goes on" does the trick. That is not the case for me. I had a very close relationship with my dad. He truly was a confidant for me. Therefore, it is taking time to learn how to be here without my dad. There is a part of me that will never be the same.
WALK TO DEFEAT ALS -- October 20, 2012 -- Empire Mall in Sioux Falls
www.alsa.org (Team Sweet William)
I totally went through these same emotions. At first it seemed like she was better off but then about 4-6 months after my Mom died, I just fell apart. I think some of it was the fact that the adrenaline wore off and so did some of the denial. It does feel so permanent and so hard.
ReplyDeleteMy only advice is - hang in there! Some days I just let my grief consume me, until I didn't want to grieve any more and was able to go be productive. I think if people try to rush through these emotions they never really heal. Healing is coming. I promise. At about 10-12 months something changed for me and the pain did seem to ease up. I still have my moments, but overall I am healing and the empty does not feel so empty anymore. The best news is your separation is not permanent! I know your Dad is watching over you!
Sending big hugs your way!