Anger is a Part of Grief

Dad was as excited for his last grandchild as he was for the first.   He worried so much when my sister or I was pregnant, but I suppose that's because we were his babies. 

We didn't know he'd only live another 18 months or so after Ben was born.  Each moment turns out to be so precious.  Why do we sometimes forget that in life!?

The fall Ben was born - in 2010 - Tyler briefly took a different job (a discussion for another time perhaps), and had to be in Mitchell the day that Benny and I were released from the hospital (originally we thought the timing would work, but Ben decided to come a few days before my scheduled c-section).  So, my dad brought us home.  How cool is that!? 

It was pretty awesome to have Dad come to pick us up.  A girl (woman) feels safe with her dad, right!?  I remember he initially put the car seat in forward facing.  So cute!  Well, had to forgive him that because I am sure I didn't even ride home in a car seat.  I think he was actually a little nervous, but he did great!  I remember being so sleepy, so I put newborn Ben in Grandpa's arms and slept for an hour.

Fixed it!  Rear facing!

Mommy taking a picture of Grandpa and Ben going in the house!

I guess tonight I am thinking about how quickly life can change and the rug gets pulled out from under you.  I think I am going through a mad phase again.  In April, I was sad.  No, devastated, but I was so happy for my dad.  His chains were gone.  He beat ALS and went home to God.  And, I am still happy about those things because I love him and he belongs in heaven with the Lord.  But I needed him here, and his absence is still so big.  I miss him so much -- hard to explain, I guess.  It's just all the little day to day things I would call him about.  What a lucky daughter I was.

FAITH is the most important thing.  A belief that because Jesus died for me I will see my dad again some day.  There is a song called "Jealous of the Angels" by Jenn Bostic.  Highly recommend it!

I don't mean to be a downer.  I have so many beautiful, amazing people and things in my life.  Just missing Bill Haagenson tonight.