The last couple of nights have been more peaceful and restful for which we are thankful. Dad has a hard time getting comfortable in the hospital bed, so continues to spend much of his time in the recliner. He did request some morphine right away this morning. His appetite is poor, so we are glad to see any bites he takes of anything. He did admit that chewing is getting harder for him, so that puts a huge limit on the things he can eat. In addition to that, he is just not hungry and we have to respect that. The social worker pointed out that we seem to express a lot of love with food. I could make a fat joke here, directed at myself, but suffice it to say I am a very loving person!! An example of what we need to change is that for Dad's birthday I would often just buy him a lot of snacks he loves. We have to change away from that and also change our thinking.
Increased arm weakness, particularly on his right side.
Mom said that my brother called last night and dad was not able to talk to him. This is kind of a big deal because Dad would never want to miss Bill's call under normal circumstances. He told me he can feel a change in how he gets words to come out. I pray his voice and ability to speak level out and do not continue to decline.
I re-visited the ventilator topic with Dad this morning. My main concern is that I do not want him to opt to not get a vent because he feels he would be burdening us. Dad assured me that is not why he has chosen not to use a ventilator. I feel very confident in my Dad's decisions and that they are the right ones for him. I believe he is very confident in his decisions too, most importantly, and we as a family support his choices.
I think to fully support his decisions, we needed to understand this beast he is fighting as much as possible. ALS is a monster, and causes my dad to carry a very heavy burden in his heart and on his shoulders. I can only imagine what he is facing each day. He is so mentally and emotionally strong. It's really something to see!
We were thrown a loop because the average lifespan for ALS patients is 2-5 years. This disease has progressed rapidly for Dad, so adjusting to the fact that we likely do not have the average has been hard. Nathan said it best last night, "Mom I wish Grandpa didn't have ALS because then he could be here longer." Simply, perfectly said.
February 28, 2012
February 26, 2012
It's been a fairly peaceful weekend. The morphine definitely seems to help with Dad's comfort with his breathing. He is at a low dose, and is not using it nearly as often as he could. It seems to help him at night, and he is getting some sleep. We are all thankful for that. I can't imagine how long his nights must seem when he is short of breath and has the time with his thoughts.
Mom and Dad were able to get out to an anniversary celebration for some close friends, and enjoyed that.
His arms are less cooperative this weekend, and he is tired, and just not hungry. We did all hang out and watch a movie this afternoon, which was nice. The movie was called the Silver Stallion, which was actually a palomino. Duh. We chuckled about that a little bit.
A plumbing disaster was averted thanks to my uncle Dave. This too was one of those things that Dad just always did. I don't ever remember my parents ever calling a plumber, or appliance repairman, etc. Dad just normally fixed that type of stuff, and it was hard for him to not be able to just fix it this time The poor guy tried talking Mom and I through it, then Leland and Jordan. We couldn't get the plug figured out. It was like a team of Tim the Toolman's. Thank goodness Dave bailed us out.
We are just day by day working through this. I hate, hate, hate this disease and what it's doing to Dad physically, what it's taken from him. Yet he doesn't complain. He's just cowboy'd up and deals with it. Not complaining, head held high, and trying to help us.
And here I am, 48 years old with grown kids of my own, and normally a fairly strong woman. But this disease and the thought of losing my dad is pretty much kicking my butt.
But, we are blessed with eachother and with great friends. Walking in to the anniversary party for the Blomgrens this weekend was like a taste of home. Visits and phone calls have kept coming. And the Lennox 4th grade BB moms loaded us up with casseroles, soups and other goodies tonight. The freezer is full, which will be awfully nice in the days ahead.
Mom and Dad were able to get out to an anniversary celebration for some close friends, and enjoyed that.
His arms are less cooperative this weekend, and he is tired, and just not hungry. We did all hang out and watch a movie this afternoon, which was nice. The movie was called the Silver Stallion, which was actually a palomino. Duh. We chuckled about that a little bit.
A plumbing disaster was averted thanks to my uncle Dave. This too was one of those things that Dad just always did. I don't ever remember my parents ever calling a plumber, or appliance repairman, etc. Dad just normally fixed that type of stuff, and it was hard for him to not be able to just fix it this time The poor guy tried talking Mom and I through it, then Leland and Jordan. We couldn't get the plug figured out. It was like a team of Tim the Toolman's. Thank goodness Dave bailed us out.
We are just day by day working through this. I hate, hate, hate this disease and what it's doing to Dad physically, what it's taken from him. Yet he doesn't complain. He's just cowboy'd up and deals with it. Not complaining, head held high, and trying to help us.
And here I am, 48 years old with grown kids of my own, and normally a fairly strong woman. But this disease and the thought of losing my dad is pretty much kicking my butt.
But, we are blessed with eachother and with great friends. Walking in to the anniversary party for the Blomgrens this weekend was like a taste of home. Visits and phone calls have kept coming. And the Lennox 4th grade BB moms loaded us up with casseroles, soups and other goodies tonight. The freezer is full, which will be awfully nice in the days ahead.
February 24, 2012
Rose & Nancy
Hospice came to the house for the first time today. The visit included both our new social worker, Rose, and new nurse, Nancy. I think we were all a little nervous and didn't know what to expect.
Rose asked a lot of questions about Dad and his life and history and also about our family including all about us kids, our spouses and our kids. When the nurse got there she examined Dad a bit and gave him his first low dose of morphine. The goal of the morphine right now is not pain control, because thankfully he is not in pain. Instead it will help with his breathing and relaxation. It really seemed to give him some relief. They are also getting him a air mattress to use with the hospital bed. They walked us through a lot of things and patiently answered all of our questions.
I think I am just tired tonight. There is SO much more that we talked about including Dad's DNR request, etc. It's just a lot to digest sometimes. Thank you for your prayers!!!!
Rose asked a lot of questions about Dad and his life and history and also about our family including all about us kids, our spouses and our kids. When the nurse got there she examined Dad a bit and gave him his first low dose of morphine. The goal of the morphine right now is not pain control, because thankfully he is not in pain. Instead it will help with his breathing and relaxation. It really seemed to give him some relief. They are also getting him a air mattress to use with the hospital bed. They walked us through a lot of things and patiently answered all of our questions.
I think I am just tired tonight. There is SO much more that we talked about including Dad's DNR request, etc. It's just a lot to digest sometimes. Thank you for your prayers!!!!
February 23, 2012
Palliative Care
Quick update. We had the palliative care appointment today. A very positive from the appointment is that a respiratory therapist brought in a new mask for Dad to try AND he will be getting a portable oxygen tank. That is VERY good news.
Anyway, next up is hospice coming to the house for the first time tomorrow. I really don't know what to expect, but I am looking forward to their ability to provide better comfort for Dad as well as help for Mom. Lynette and I will be planning to spend the night as necessary as soon as Mom gives the word.
Anyway, next up is hospice coming to the house for the first time tomorrow. I really don't know what to expect, but I am looking forward to their ability to provide better comfort for Dad as well as help for Mom. Lynette and I will be planning to spend the night as necessary as soon as Mom gives the word.
February 22, 2012
bipap and update
Tough day today. His breathing is worse, and he spent most of the daytime and evening hours on the oxygen and Bipap. This proves that he really does feel pretty short of breath, because he hasn't been a big fan of the bipap. The mask leaks and the pressure bothers him. The hospital bed isn't comfortable for him like we had hoped. Even though the head of the bed can be elevated, he seems to be able to breathe easier when he is in the recliner, with his knees up. They weren't able to get out to the seating clinic appointment due to his breathing today. The plan has been to try to get him a power wheelchair with better support for comfort, but I don't know if that will happen. Our job as his family is to support Dad and his decisions. He has said no to a trach and mechanical ventilation. He hasn't wanted tube feedings. He turned down hospitalization over the weekend. We are all going to his appointment tomorrow with a palliative care physician.
Serenity prayer. And hugs and thanks to everyone for your prayers, visits, phone calls and support.
Serenity prayer. And hugs and thanks to everyone for your prayers, visits, phone calls and support.
February 21, 2012
parents.WMV
Our parents started dating at age 16, married young and had me at 19. Bill was born a couple years later, and Erin came along when I was 12. They started out broke and went through some tough and lean years. But they always had eachother, and I doubt that either one of them would change a thing. They were always a team. We couldn't work one parent against the other to get our way growing up. It just didn't work. They stuck together. This ALS battle hasn't changed that. From the awful day that we found out, it's like they joined hands and aren't letting go. But then, that's how they've always been. They love eachother. The real deal. It's pretty darn cool.
February 20, 2012
rearranging furniture
Today was a bit better. Dad slept in a recliner last night, and his breathing was a bit more comfortable. In ALS, it's not the lungs themselves that don't work right. It's the chest muscles and diaphragm that don't work well moving air in and out of the lungs. When Dad lays down, gravity makes it worse for the weak respiratory muscles. The recliner has helped, but I learned years ago when my newborn would only sleep with me sitting in a recliner and holding her, that it's just not as restful or as comfortable. The hospital bed was delivered today, and hopefully Dad can sleep better and breathe better in an actual bed. It will be nice that he can stretch out and he will be able to elevate the head of the bed. Erin complimented him on his redecorating of the living room today. Besides the bed, there are now accents of oxygen tubing secured to the ceiling so that the rest of us, graceful as we all are, don't trip.
Bill has been here and, as luck would have it, has been sick. Turns out that he didn't have the Ebola virus as he feared, but a nasty sinus infection. It was still good for him to be home, and Mom got to make him toasted cheese and chocolate chip cookies. Hopefully a little antibiotic and Sudafed will help him get home comfortably tomorrow. It was good to have him home.
Overall, Dad still feels pretty crummy, but we aren't hearing him complain. I sure wish that he would be hungry.
As always, keep the calls and visits coming. Afternoons and evenings are better than mornings, because he feels better later in the day. His voice and breathing can be tough, but if he can't talk, we will be honest and he'll ask to call you back later. It does mean more than you will ever know to hear from friends and family.
Bill has been here and, as luck would have it, has been sick. Turns out that he didn't have the Ebola virus as he feared, but a nasty sinus infection. It was still good for him to be home, and Mom got to make him toasted cheese and chocolate chip cookies. Hopefully a little antibiotic and Sudafed will help him get home comfortably tomorrow. It was good to have him home.
Overall, Dad still feels pretty crummy, but we aren't hearing him complain. I sure wish that he would be hungry.
As always, keep the calls and visits coming. Afternoons and evenings are better than mornings, because he feels better later in the day. His voice and breathing can be tough, but if he can't talk, we will be honest and he'll ask to call you back later. It does mean more than you will ever know to hear from friends and family.
February 19, 2012
Scared
Today has been a tough morning. Breathing is a struggle. Dad tried to lay down in the bed to sleep early this morning (has been sleeping in the chair until the hospital bed arrives) and got very, very short of breath. Mom said it's the worst it has been so far. After using the cough assist, and now the bipap with oxygen, he is starting to catch his breath. When I spoke to Mom, she sounded very scared. She was going to go to church this morning since Bill is home to be with Dad, but she was afraid to leave. I told her it's ok - - you can worship right where you are sitting. She said she really needed God to be with them at the house this morning - and we know He was. We are scared - - the nurse has told us that we are possibly looking at significantly less time than we thought we still had.
My mother is a very brave, very strong woman. She impresses me with her ability to care for Dad, find humor when possible, and shower him with affection.
Dad did get out for Maddy's basketball game last night and played his role of point tracker.
Bill flew in on Saturday, which gives Dad a lot of joy. We all play our role, and Bill is very good at organization, planning, arranging, and figuring things out. He is our common sense. Lynette is the oldest child and is also a nurse, so she gives so much love and also medical knowledge. As the baby, and someone who is almost never able to censor herself, I like to laugh with Dad and crack jokes - often at the expense of the family around us. Not to mention the roles that Leland, Tyler, and Michele play - - simply by making it possible for us to be with Dad as much as we can. Then you've got the grandkids - whose ages range from 17 months to 24 years and who each give our parents a ton of happiness. Our parents treasure their role as Grandma and Grandpa (or Mama and Boppa as Benny says) and they are very, very good at it.
God, please help us to say the things we need to say to each other and to soak up every moment we have, be it days, weeks, or months. And thank you for giving us each other.
Please do NOT hesitate to call - if Dad can't always talk, we will let him know you called. Also, feel free to send an e-mail or comment on this blog and we will make sure he gets it!!
My mother is a very brave, very strong woman. She impresses me with her ability to care for Dad, find humor when possible, and shower him with affection.
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| CHRISTMAS 2010 |
Bill flew in on Saturday, which gives Dad a lot of joy. We all play our role, and Bill is very good at organization, planning, arranging, and figuring things out. He is our common sense. Lynette is the oldest child and is also a nurse, so she gives so much love and also medical knowledge. As the baby, and someone who is almost never able to censor herself, I like to laugh with Dad and crack jokes - often at the expense of the family around us. Not to mention the roles that Leland, Tyler, and Michele play - - simply by making it possible for us to be with Dad as much as we can. Then you've got the grandkids - whose ages range from 17 months to 24 years and who each give our parents a ton of happiness. Our parents treasure their role as Grandma and Grandpa (or Mama and Boppa as Benny says) and they are very, very good at it.
God, please help us to say the things we need to say to each other and to soak up every moment we have, be it days, weeks, or months. And thank you for giving us each other.
Please do NOT hesitate to call - if Dad can't always talk, we will let him know you called. Also, feel free to send an e-mail or comment on this blog and we will make sure he gets it!!
February 17, 2012
Mom asked that we post their e-mail in case anyone would like to send a message to my dad. You can reach them at grullo2@msn.com.
I cannot stress enough how much phone calls and visits mean to them.
Lots of work to breath and feeling claustrophobic. Almost no appetite at all, but Mom keeps pushing food. He did eat a big oatmeal raisin cookie last night (he loves them - hint, hint). It is our sincere prayer that next week's Palliative care appointment will give us information and help to make sure he feels as good as possible. I hope we can avoid him feeling scared and keep any panic from building for him.
The thing about ALS is that we don't know what we're doing. I wish that no one had to figure this thing out. I just want to scream "Leave him alone" when his muscles are twitching. He is fearful of becoming a burden. I hope he knows - - because we have told him in no uncertain terms - - that any amount of time we get to spend taking care of him or just hanging out is, in fact, a precious gift ... the furthest from a burden you can imagine.
February 15, 2012
O2
Hi everyone! There have been so many views of our blog. Thank you for following our story! Time for another update.
Dad now has oxygen to use in conjunction with his bipap. I had no idea that there was so much hassle getting Medicare to pay for oxygen. I mean, it's oxygen. Some would call it a must.
A few posts ago I talked about a clinic where Dad sees multiple people (OT, PT, etc.). His doctor decided that they will not have him come to those anymore because it's too hard on him. Instead, he will see just his neurologist as needed. However ... we also learned that next week we have the first appointment with the Palliative Care clinic to work on comfort measures. I do not know what that will involve, but the physician we will see is a Pulmonologist with ALS experience who assists patients through issues involving a terminal illness.
Lynette and I are getting our FMLA in place. We do not know what the immediate future holds, but it will be good to be protected at work. We want to be there for my Dad as much as possible.
I stopped by after work today with the kids and their good friends, Rhonda and Gary, were there to visit. Noelle brought over cupcakes yesterday. My husband fixed Dad's new table today. We are
thankful for everyone's love and friendship.
Dad now has oxygen to use in conjunction with his bipap. I had no idea that there was so much hassle getting Medicare to pay for oxygen. I mean, it's oxygen. Some would call it a must.
A few posts ago I talked about a clinic where Dad sees multiple people (OT, PT, etc.). His doctor decided that they will not have him come to those anymore because it's too hard on him. Instead, he will see just his neurologist as needed. However ... we also learned that next week we have the first appointment with the Palliative Care clinic to work on comfort measures. I do not know what that will involve, but the physician we will see is a Pulmonologist with ALS experience who assists patients through issues involving a terminal illness.
Lynette and I are getting our FMLA in place. We do not know what the immediate future holds, but it will be good to be protected at work. We want to be there for my Dad as much as possible.
I stopped by after work today with the kids and their good friends, Rhonda and Gary, were there to visit. Noelle brought over cupcakes yesterday. My husband fixed Dad's new table today. We are
thankful for everyone's love and friendship.
February 12, 2012
ALS Assoc Kudos
Kudos to the ALS Association. For all of you who participated and contributed to the ALS walk this October, thanks again, and know that your time and money really does go to help real people. It's a week of equipment delivery ahead, free and hassle free.
Its been a little bit of a tough week. The breathing situation is definitely getting harder. He's more winded, more easily with activity and even at rest. He is trying to use the BiPap more. Lying flat makes the breathing harder, and a hospital bed is on the way. We are hoping that plain oxygen will be delivered tomorrow as well. There is a special table coming that will work with Dad's recliner so that he doesn't have to work so hard to get things that he needs, like his glasses, the phone, or a book. Every little bit of conserving energy counts. Oh yeah, and a gel cushion for his skinny butt.
Mom has a cold and isn't feeling good today either.
Nutrition...well Dad's just not hungry and just plain isn't feeling good. The new motto is, the heck with nutrition, let's just bribe him with whatever calories he can force down. Chocolate eclairs were Mom's idea today. Chinese food, juice drinks, cottage cheese, Boost, anything that he is willing to try. Why is it that Dad gets sick, and I stress eat and gain weight?
Boredom is a problem. Until just so recently he was so active and hard working. There is only so much TV that he can watch. For some reason, he just doesn't get into shows like Jersey Shore. Visits are definitely welcome. And he is trying reading western books on the kindle.
Dad was able to get to Nathan's basketball game yesterday. That was a plus. :)
Its been a little bit of a tough week. The breathing situation is definitely getting harder. He's more winded, more easily with activity and even at rest. He is trying to use the BiPap more. Lying flat makes the breathing harder, and a hospital bed is on the way. We are hoping that plain oxygen will be delivered tomorrow as well. There is a special table coming that will work with Dad's recliner so that he doesn't have to work so hard to get things that he needs, like his glasses, the phone, or a book. Every little bit of conserving energy counts. Oh yeah, and a gel cushion for his skinny butt.
Mom has a cold and isn't feeling good today either.
Nutrition...well Dad's just not hungry and just plain isn't feeling good. The new motto is, the heck with nutrition, let's just bribe him with whatever calories he can force down. Chocolate eclairs were Mom's idea today. Chinese food, juice drinks, cottage cheese, Boost, anything that he is willing to try. Why is it that Dad gets sick, and I stress eat and gain weight?
Boredom is a problem. Until just so recently he was so active and hard working. There is only so much TV that he can watch. For some reason, he just doesn't get into shows like Jersey Shore. Visits are definitely welcome. And he is trying reading western books on the kindle.
Dad was able to get to Nathan's basketball game yesterday. That was a plus. :)
February 10, 2012
Winnie the Pooh
Melissa's friend sent this to her, and I love it so I am passing it along.
"If ever there is a tomorrow when we're not together, there is something you must always remember. You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. But the most important thing is, even if we're apart, I'll always be with you." Winnie the Pooh
My van would not start today at lunch. I tried my husband first and he didn't answer. Besides, my husband is perfectly aware that my first instinct is always to call my dad. Anyway, I called my dad and he knew exactly what to do and my van started. Now, it probably needs some attention from a mechanic, but I can get home.
We have another wedding to look forward to as Jared & Abby got engaged this week. Two new members coming into this family. What an awesome thing to look forward to!
Dad isn't feeling very good today. He spent a lot of time on the bipap last night. Please send up prayers on his behalf - - it's very noticeable when people are praying for him.
"If ever there is a tomorrow when we're not together, there is something you must always remember. You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. But the most important thing is, even if we're apart, I'll always be with you." Winnie the Pooh
My van would not start today at lunch. I tried my husband first and he didn't answer. Besides, my husband is perfectly aware that my first instinct is always to call my dad. Anyway, I called my dad and he knew exactly what to do and my van started. Now, it probably needs some attention from a mechanic, but I can get home.
We have another wedding to look forward to as Jared & Abby got engaged this week. Two new members coming into this family. What an awesome thing to look forward to!
Dad isn't feeling very good today. He spent a lot of time on the bipap last night. Please send up prayers on his behalf - - it's very noticeable when people are praying for him.
February 8, 2012
C'mon Bipap - Do Your Thing
We went to the appointment today with Dr. Garnaas. It's actually a clinic they sent up every couple of months where patients see OT, PT, dietary and social work along with seeing the doctor. Dad didn't really feel up to the whole thing, but did see PT who gave us some good tips on why using a walker sometimes around the house is a good thing and also helped adjust the foot rests on his transport wheelchair. They also ended up seeing OT and social work.
Dr. Garnaas spent a long time talking with us and answered any questions she possibly could. Dad has significant pulmonary/lung involvement. Suffice it to say he did not pass this overnight "O2 test" last week, and actually ended up with some dangerous O2 levels. Dad has been using the bipap more like a rescue treatment or as needed, but she strongly encouraged him to use it more "full-time" at night and as needed during the day. I have never used a bipap, but I am guessing it's not a lot of fun. The hope is to keep those lungs functioning as long as possible, and maybe in the process he won't feel so crappy during the day. Pulmonary involvement is one of the worst things for ALS to attack first, but we are so happy that dad can still walk around the house and talk to us.
OT is going to help get some assist devices for use around the house. We will also be involving hospice. It is a scary word and hard to say (or type) about Dad, but Dad is at peace with this whole thing, and that helps all of us. Dr. Garnaas explained how helpful hospice can be with arrangements and maneuvering through the red tape of insurance and Medicare. Involving them doesn't mean "the end" is imminent, but they will get to know Dad well and be able to assist with his comfort through the months ahead.
We did discuss the feeding tube, which he does NOT want right now and Dr. Garnaas feels it is not an immediate need. Plus - he is the boss, and if he doesn't want it - that's that!!
I am thankful today that I can talk openly with my parents, which is such a gift at a time like this. I love that we know our dad and Lynette and I could read him like a book today at the appointment. Bill would have caught the exact look we did and known exactly what it meant, too. I love that we can all give each other certain looks and we know what the other person is thinking. I loved hearing Dad tell Dr. Garnaas today about how much money I raised for the ALS walk back in October. It never sucks to hear your parents brag about you, does it!?!? And, I loved that the money we raised and the participation in the walk made him happy!! I love that Mom is such a spaz sometimes and can lighten the mood by just being Joan. Even when things are bleak, there is so very, very much to be thankful for.
Dr. Garnaas spent a long time talking with us and answered any questions she possibly could. Dad has significant pulmonary/lung involvement. Suffice it to say he did not pass this overnight "O2 test" last week, and actually ended up with some dangerous O2 levels. Dad has been using the bipap more like a rescue treatment or as needed, but she strongly encouraged him to use it more "full-time" at night and as needed during the day. I have never used a bipap, but I am guessing it's not a lot of fun. The hope is to keep those lungs functioning as long as possible, and maybe in the process he won't feel so crappy during the day. Pulmonary involvement is one of the worst things for ALS to attack first, but we are so happy that dad can still walk around the house and talk to us.
OT is going to help get some assist devices for use around the house. We will also be involving hospice. It is a scary word and hard to say (or type) about Dad, but Dad is at peace with this whole thing, and that helps all of us. Dr. Garnaas explained how helpful hospice can be with arrangements and maneuvering through the red tape of insurance and Medicare. Involving them doesn't mean "the end" is imminent, but they will get to know Dad well and be able to assist with his comfort through the months ahead.
We did discuss the feeding tube, which he does NOT want right now and Dr. Garnaas feels it is not an immediate need. Plus - he is the boss, and if he doesn't want it - that's that!!
I am thankful today that I can talk openly with my parents, which is such a gift at a time like this. I love that we know our dad and Lynette and I could read him like a book today at the appointment. Bill would have caught the exact look we did and known exactly what it meant, too. I love that we can all give each other certain looks and we know what the other person is thinking. I loved hearing Dad tell Dr. Garnaas today about how much money I raised for the ALS walk back in October. It never sucks to hear your parents brag about you, does it!?!? And, I loved that the money we raised and the participation in the walk made him happy!! I love that Mom is such a spaz sometimes and can lighten the mood by just being Joan. Even when things are bleak, there is so very, very much to be thankful for.
February 7, 2012
We had planned to film more interview time with Dad tonight, but he doesn't feel up to it. Hopefully tomorrow night! Tomorrow he sees Dr. Garnaas (Neurologist). I am hoping we can get some answers for why he feels so terrible. Of course there is the obvious terminal illness answer, but there are things we don't know such as - is the lack of appetite, fatigue, etc. all part of this. Also, what can we expect from here on out. As a girl who very much likes a plan, it's hard. I like to know. How much time do we have? Months? Years? I like to be prepared. There is simply no preparing. Stupid, wretched disease.
Dad continues to make us proud. He recently said, "I can be angry or I can look forward to heaven." I don't think he realizes the guidance he's providing for all of us while he finds his way through this.
Dad continues to make us proud. He recently said, "I can be angry or I can look forward to heaven." I don't think he realizes the guidance he's providing for all of us while he finds his way through this.
February 5, 2012
I have spent HOURS today looking through literally hundreds of Haagenson family photos. I learned something. I think that I missed out on some good times because I didn't like riding horse. I also realized that, just maybe, I have been exaggerating the number of blue shirts he wears. He does throw in the occasional western plaid. :)
I started this morning out with this grand plan to post a slide show of baby to present day pictures of Dad. And I quickly realized that it is just about impossible to try to summarize over 60 years into a 5 minute clip. So I called Erin, she chilled me out, and I decided to just make a slide show of a few of the pictures of Dad with his horses and other pictures with us kids, Mom, and the grand kids. No great plan, just enjoying looking back at him and some of his favorite people and things. And some pictures that we just liked of him.
If he ever has any doubts (all parents do, I think) about whether he did good as a dad or grandpa, all he needs to do is look at how the kids all look at him. He did good. :)
I started this morning out with this grand plan to post a slide show of baby to present day pictures of Dad. And I quickly realized that it is just about impossible to try to summarize over 60 years into a 5 minute clip. So I called Erin, she chilled me out, and I decided to just make a slide show of a few of the pictures of Dad with his horses and other pictures with us kids, Mom, and the grand kids. No great plan, just enjoying looking back at him and some of his favorite people and things. And some pictures that we just liked of him.
If he ever has any doubts (all parents do, I think) about whether he did good as a dad or grandpa, all he needs to do is look at how the kids all look at him. He did good. :)
February 2, 2012
"Think, Erin!" I remember hearing that in junior high basketball. I played in a post position and my dad and brother worked with me like crazy as far as having the ball fed into me. They said it was like I would freeze up. I remember getting a pass and hearing my dad say, "Think, Erin!" It was a loud voice that I could hear above all the other noise. Dad's voice is getting quieter, but we will always hear it like it used to be. Dad never had to spank us because we knew he meant business. Not mean, just "I'm not gonna tell you twice." I live in a constant fear of not hearing his voice, but more than that I fear that he will feel trapped by not having a voice. I pray he doesn't completely lose his ability to speak. His words are getting slower and he said it's getting harder to speak ... that it takes more effort and that it's harder to pronounce/enunciate the words.
He's my dad - I cannot imagine not having a conversation with him every day (at least once, often more - - even before he got sick), but Dad - I can promise you this - - - we will always, always hear you. Love you more than you know. As the song says, " ... I don't think I said I love you near enough."
Please keep lifting my dad up to God in prayer. He is above all else God's child, and I know that God has his arms wrapped around him!!!!
He's my dad - I cannot imagine not having a conversation with him every day (at least once, often more - - even before he got sick), but Dad - I can promise you this - - - we will always, always hear you. Love you more than you know. As the song says, " ... I don't think I said I love you near enough."
Please keep lifting my dad up to God in prayer. He is above all else God's child, and I know that God has his arms wrapped around him!!!!
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